Mood Swings and Bad Temperment

It probably has a LOT to do with the fact that I'm cycling back onto the pills for my knee that are supposed to increase the amount of growth horomone my pituitary gland produces (thus upping my testosterone...), but I've been progressively and consistently pissed off all day today. I haven't lashed out at anyone or anything, thankfully. But damn, I just feel like ripping the doors off a car.

All day long, anything small that would normally roll off has been getting under my skin. I had to circle for 45 minutes today looking for a parking spot to go to Phonetics, and every last spot was taken RIGHT in front of me... ...spots that I could have gotten myself if the people in front of me would get off the phone and drive, or if the pedestrians on campus would cross at crosswalks, and NOT when I have a green light and they have a red hand!!!

I barely got my stats homework completed and turned in. I completely missed the mark on the first question. But I corrected it before turning it in, as no one else seemed to attack it the right way either.

And to top it all off, tonight, after 5pm, when I FINALLY got to my lab to sit down and get some lab work and school work done.... ........the simplest task, literally the LAST thing I expected to go wrong suddenly went wrong. The LTO-4 tape drive that I finally got installed and working properly in a windows PC last week was refusing to eject the tape I inserted. I spent over two hours pushing the eject button, powering the computer on and off, pushing the eject button even MORE, and again and again mashing the eject button to no avail! I finally broke down, pulled out a screw driver and proceded to take the computer apart screw by screw. Funny thing was, as soon as the drive ITSELF was removed from the computer, I gave it power, and the tape ejected like there was never a problem. So via a dark ritual of selectively inserting and removing the mounting screws for the drive, I managed to put it BACK INSIDE the computer in such a way that it reads, writes, and YES ejects without trouble.

Do I understand why or how this problem even occurred? Do I understand why I even bothered to power it up after I removed it and hit eject once again? NO I DO NOT. I'm just slightly quelled from boiling over to just simmerring now that the damn thing is FIXED.

Seriously. All day long, in those "quiet moments" that I'm generally thinking about work or projects or thesis or papers or friends or WHATEVER normal things, all I have been able to think about were all the people I've ever known who had gone out of their way to ruin my happiness. Pathetic, worthless people. And all day long today, I thought that wherever they are, and whatever they're doing, I hope that they're miserable or dead. At one point I was hoping I'd be diagnosed with six months to live: I'd compile a list of people to go after for sweet REVENGE.

It's gotta be the growth horomone stimulators. I've been taking them again for two days and I'm raging like crazy. Then again, it HAS been a bad week. My motorcycle is in the shop because it had a bad gas leak, it needs and new rear tire, new front brake pads, and the coolant line was ripped out accidentally when the Cycle World guys were taking it off the trailor. They've only had it four days, so I'm trying to be patient.

Not having my biks is NOT helping my mood at all. The fact is that the ride to and from school and between classes is the closest thing I have to meditative Zen state. When I'm on my bike and going, I'm not thinking about anything but the road and the world around me. I have to stay perfectly focused so that if something bad happens or if someone does something stupid, then I can avoid it (if avoiding it is possible, of course). It centers me. I'm not angry. I'm not sad. I'm not even happy. I'm calm. I'm focused. Nothing else matters.

So the longer I go without that 20-30 minutes out of my day, the longer I can see me getting more and more pissed off. This must be what normal people feel like when they don't get enough sleep.

BAH!!!! I hate everything.